To Live Without Love
by EsmeGirl
Summary: Just something I thought would be fun to write. Its about how bella finds an old diary that edward wrote all through his human life.read and reveiw! please!


Just thought this would be a fun story

_Just thought this would be a fun story. A definite one shot. I couldn't think of something to write for the other story so made something new. _

_Ems_

Could today get any more boring? Edward and the rest of the men were out hunting and the rest of the girls where  
shopping. Jacob and Renesme were out looking at wedding stuff with Alice for their upcoming day. I couldn't believe that my baby girl was being married in just a couple of months.

Edward hadn't had the best reaction but what could you say?He got jilted of his young years with her because she grew so fat. It also was like deja vue because instead of trying to steal me away he was taking his only daughter. As I remembered the day that they told us I couldn't help but laugh.

Edward had completely freaked. First he asked how in the world Jacob could knock up his daughter and not at least tell me.After extensive convincing he started to believe that Renesme wasn't pregnant and they just were in love. I automatically said yes and congratulated them. They reminded me so much of Edward and I before we were married, all doe eyed and stupid.

I remembered how worried that my dad wouldn't approve of the marriage and all I wanted was his approval.I quickly dragged my sputtering husband out into the hall to explain what Renesme was feeling right now. When I was done he was completely on my side, it did involve a little bribery that had to do with tonight and bed, but who cares, right? As I looked back on it Renesme and Jacob were completely different than us. We were hurrying things and could have waited a few years.

Of course that never would have happened because my inpatient human hormones were making my decisions, and Edward was ready to settler down (after over 100 years of being single I would want to too.) Well what was I to do today, no one to wrestle, fight with over makeovers and no one to spend the day in bed with. Well that limed my options.

I had finally decided to raid Carlisle's library in his study. As I passed his entire collection, all I could find was books I'd already read. Finally I settled down with a copy of Withering Heights. Once I was half way thought I decided that I needed something new.

I placed the book back in its appropriate place and started to scan the other shelves. Suddenly I noticed a book that didn't quite fit in with the others. It looked like it was a journal of some sort. I gently pulled it from the shelf and turned it over in my hands. It looked quite old and was blank on both covers. I opened it gingerly and saw there was an inscription on the inside cover. _"Edward Anthony Mason" _was written in the front cover.

I could tell it was by a young child that cared deeply about their hand writing. Suddenly it hit me; this was Edward's diary from his human years. I immediately felt as if I was trespassing without the permission of the person that was most important to me. The guilt I was feeling was so overwhelmed by the curiosity that I easily pushed it back and turned to the first page.

"_The Worst Day_

_Today was bad. It was very bad. I told the pretty girl at school that I liked her. She turned and ran away. RAN AWAY! How could some one just run away? I told her I thought she was beautiful and she just ran away. I2 0don't like girls anymore. Mother tells me that I'll meet some one that is just perfect for me but she is wrong. I don't want to like any one. When I grow up I'm never going to get married. NEVER!"_

I laughed at the anger in this small version of my husband. It's funny but, I couldn't help but feel angered buy the reaction of this girl and how much it upset Edward. I knew that there was absolutely nothing to feel jealous about, but I just couldn't quite the odd feeling in my gut. I quickly turned more than one page; I don't think I could take the child Edward again. His hand writing was becoming closer to the script I had come to love so much.

"_Hell on Earth_

_High school. There are no words to explain the hellish place that is high school. One day girls are scared stiff of you and then they swarm you in the hall way and flirt with you constantly. It's really quite terrifying. I fear that I will never find the right girl. Mother tells me that I will and that I'll know when I have found her; I will get down on one knee and ask for her hand. I told her that unless we got some new women that I would be a bachelor for life. Then she asked me what my favorite girl name was, I had to think, but I came up with Isabella. I think that that defiantly is a name that I could picture my wife having. Isabella Mason. Yes I will find myself an Isabella and claim her for mine."_

If I could cry I think that the tears would be running a river down my cheeks. It was amazing how Edward could bring this amount of a motion out in me and not even know what he was saying, I wasn't even born yet and he knew I was the one. Oh god I love that man. I quickly flipped to the end of the book eager to hear more of his thoughts.

"_Dying With Out Any Love_

_As I lay20here dying and unable to stop all that is happening to me and my family I think about the past. I think of everything that I haven't done and now never will be able to do. Most of all I think of Isabella. I never was able to meet my sole mate, my try other half, my better half. I so truly wish that she could be here to comfort me and hold me until the end. Then I think that I could never ask some one to do that, and who would want to comfort me, I was the anti-social freak. The only reason people talked to me was because I either look good or I have money. I really want some one that will be here with me not because I have wealth or I have the looks. I want truth, I want passion, I want love that knows no boundaries. I know that if I lay here dreaming of what never will come; I'll end up dying disappointed. Maybe if I keep dreaming then the dreams will come true, and I will get my Isabella and we can live together and our love will be the kind that makes the world go round and makes the sun rise just to shine on us. We will be the one percent of people that actually find who they are looking for and make the best of the time they have together. The hopeful people, the people that don't cave when things get tough but just become stronger. Yes. That will be me and my Isabella. I am sure."_

I sat there stunned for quite some wile and finally moved to swipe away a tear that was falling from my eyes. A tear. He made me cry; he did the impossible and didn't even know it. Suddenly I heard the front door open. I knew who ever it was they would soon be up here to see why I was dry sobbing.

The door burst open and no other than Edward Cullen was standing in the door way. He rushed over to me and then suddenly stopped. Fist he looked at the leather bound booking my lap then at the one diamond like tear rolling off my face.

His facial fetchers went from furious to compassion in mere seconds. All too soon he was cradling me to his chest whispering things that I couldn't hear but new that they were meant to be comforting. I felt as if I owed him an explanation but couldn't muster up the strength.

"Bella please tell me what's wrong. I can't help if you don't tell me." He said in an agonized voice.

"You wrote that in the nineteen hundreds?" I asked in-between sobs.

"I don't know what you're talking about." He said in an honest voice.

"The last page of the diary on the floor." I explained in a pained voice. He glanced at the floor and realization flooded his face.

"That was probably the most beautiful thing I have ever read." I stated simply. His smile broadened and he leaned down to press his lips into mine. I immediately melted into him. My hands twisted themselves into his hair and I pressed myself into

him and thanked the gods that I was able to land this god of a man.

"How did you find this?" He inquired.

"I had been reading something else, but it got boring. I looked for something different and then I found this and I knew I

hadn't seen it before and wondered what it was. I opened it and found your name in it. Do you remember what you

thought about when you were human? Do you remember who you thought you were going to marry? You thought you

were going to marry me! ME! I wasn't even born! And you knew! You knew!" I exclaimed. He smiled at me.

"Of course I knew I was going to marry you." He said quietly. I hugged myself closer to him; I pulled my mouth up to his ear  
so I could whisper in it.

"I'd love you even if you were poor and had no looks. In some way I know I dreamed of you before I knew you too. I would  
have held you until I couldn't hold you any longer and wouldn't have stopped. Ever." I whispered fairly in his ear.

"Me either." He whispered as I turned to place a sweet kiss on his delicate lips.


End file.
